It's just not fair...

So it's been a crazy time around here. Natalie started Kindergarten! She's a little rockstar! She gets off the bus every day, smiling. She gets ON the bus every day - smiling. The favorite part of my day is 12:30 when the bus comes. Michael, Kaytlin and Bella and I all go out to the driveway to wait for her to get dropped off. When the bus comes around the corner, Kaytlin starts jumping up and down screaming "Hey Na-Na! HEY!" like she can hear her! The bus driver, Miss Lynn, is cracking up. Natalie comes down off the bus, Bella kisses her, but proceeds up INTO the bus, giving Miss Lynn the BIGGEST kisses ever, the runs back down, sometimes backflipping because she is SO excited to see Natalie. Then I hug Natalie, tell her hi, ask how her day was, and get the goods out of her backpack. Only once has there been a paper not done. She has quality work and is SO smart - I burst with pride every single day! I'm feeling all right - maybe I've done ok as mom so far.

Michael is SUCH a different kiddo. I love it! He is so non-chalant about everything. Very even-keel and not showing much emotion unless it comes to Kaytlin bugging him - then the whole neighborhood knows he's irritated! THAT bugs me. Oh well, though, right? So yesterday, my father-in-law (Papa) picked him up at school after spending some quality time at Gander Mountain with Kaytlin. When he got home, he was going a million miles an hour and couldn't get the words out fast enough to tell me all about his day! He had colored a paper - very well! All by himself with NO help! (This is a huge feat, by the way). He also made a candle out of a TP roll and painted it. He is SO proud! It was nice to hear him excited and a total chatterbox, stumbling over his words and dancing around. He actually sat and did "homework" with Natalie and I last night. Such a cool feeling as mom, ya know?

Kaytlin continues to crack us up every day. She is potty trained now except for pooping. THAT is making me crazy. She will not go on the potty. I am so sick of poop on my hands! She gets up from her naps dry, and most mornings she's dry too. But the poop is another issue. UGH! She is counting to 10, skipping 5. She's boycotting the ABC's, even when Avery does them almost to taunt her. She is all about the Eency Weency Spider and the hand motions. I'm trying to do little hand plays with her every day, or go on to youtube and watch them. She loves that!

Catering is picking up - that's good because I've missed it a lot. I'm trying to get this dumb house cleaned. Like CLEANED. Like, I'm having a garage sale next week so it HAS to be cleaned kind of clean. So sort/clean/throw away I will!

So this week has really sucked as far as the whole "God's Plan" deal goes. Why is it SO hard to understand WHY it all gets laid out this way? Alyssa and Corey's baby, Brian, died Friday. He was SUCH a fighter his entire 52 days here on Earth and for months before that. I could not BE more blessed and lucky to have had the opportunity to meet that sweet little superman. Such a beautiful baby...

Erin and I went shopping with Alyssa for clothes to wear this weekend for the funeral and other crap that goes along with it all, and as I drove home that night, I was blown away at thinking about how strong Alyssa seemed. Whether she really is THAT strong (which I know she is) or if she's just wearing it really well (which she did as well), she amazes me. I want to say the right thing. i want to bring her comfort, but I just can't. No one can, I don't think. No words exist to bring comfort to a mom who just lost her son. No words exist to make it ok for dad either. Only time, right? Well, even that doesn't help sometimes. My aunt said it best (which since this weekend, I have found out that it was actually my Grandpa who said this originally) - "It doesn't get better, you just get used to it." So very true. And so very depressing too. But real and honest.

This weekend brings a tough time. I'm not looking forward to it - selfishly for me, but mostly for Alyssa and Corey. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR.

It's time...

So a new chapter in our lives are beginning here in our home. Natalie is 5 and she is starting Kindergarten in 2 weeks. I am filled with anxiety and worry. She has not gone to pre-school or had any experience other than a summer program 2 years ago for a couple of weeks. She is so smart, and such a quick learner that I'm not worried about her adjusting or learning or making new friends or listening or being respectful. I'm worried about losing control. I'm worried that I cannot control who she plays with and is influenced by. I cannot control the words she learns and uses at her own free will. I cannot control the family backgrounds, morals and values that will challenge her as she is developing her OWN self. I understand that I just need to teach her to be her OWN self, to make her OWN decisions, and to remember what I've taught her. To not follow just to belong, but to stand up for what she believes in and let others follow HER. It's the first time I'm not in control. I don't like it. Not one bit.

Same goes for Michael. He begins pre-school. He's such a different kid than Natalie. He is a boy, but a very timid one. I hope that soccer brings out more boy in him. He's such a tender little heart who gets his feelings hurt VERY easily. But it's time for me to let go a little and watch the rest of them develop. I've nurtured their wings, I've done the best I can at teaching them how to fly, and now I pray that they fly in the right direction...

Kaytlin, on the other hand, is a TRIP! She is potty training right now - all on her own. I have not pushed at all and she is doing AWESOME! She doesn't use a potty chart or stickers or m&m's or anything. Her only reinforcement is a "Pee Pee High FIVE!" to everyone around. She's totally content with that! YAY! We need to work on the pooping part on the potty though. She hasn't done that yet. Last night, in undies, on a walk with Daddy and Grandpa, decided she had to go. They did NOT make it home...I have to say - I'm glad I was not home! She received the 2nd bath of the day! Ewwww....

So because I have so many thoughts, and this is such a fun, new chapter in our lives, I decided to actually do something with the blog I created back in March. Pictures later...baby steps...